As far as I am concerned - there are only 3 certainties in this world - death, taxes and come October 31st, hoodied youths knocking on my door threatening to pelt my window eggs, post dog faeces through my letter box or scrawl 'Coffin dodger' in permanent marker across my front door, should i have the gall to deny them a Cadburys Boost. Halloween is to pensioners what pay day must be to 1960's American restauranteurs when the local mob come calling for their protection money. In previous years I have been armed with a variety of 'fun sized' confectionery - only to befall a front door 'flouring' regardless. Tonight, I will lock myseLf in, leave a four pack of Herald Lager in a cool bag along with a cherry Fruit Corner, so as I can stay in the lounge, lights off, watching Das Boot on mute for five hours, until the little swines choose to direct their doorbell related thuggery to another unwitting elder. If I had my way, I would have these enfant terribles trussed up in the street, smeared in raw meat and then sent upon by a van load of hungry rottweilers. Wish me luck friends.